The Cullens watch Twilight
by just-a-crazyfanpire
Summary: "Twilight. Release Date: 21 Nov. 2020. Cast: Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart. Now in theatres!" While the Cullens are watching TV, they see a strange promo. *Bella and Edward talking in the forest* "They made a movie about us?" someone screamed.
1. Seeing The Movie

_**This is just for entertainment. I didn't want to offend someone and I'm sorry if I did. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The movie belongs to Summit Entertainment, Catherine & co.**_

_**I know this isn't original, but I wanted to write my version. It's a One-Shot.  
**_

_**I thought it was funnier to have Nessie and Jake in the story too. Oh and it's November 2020, because I wanted Nessie to be an adult already. I just wrote it at boredom. I hope you'll like it, although it's stupid and idiot. Well, here goes nothing.**_

**BPOV**

"Have you seen my purse?" Nessie screamed from her room. We were all in the living room, watching TV, while Jacob was eating in the kitchen.

"No, Nessie. Maybe Jacob ate it." Emmett's booming laugh echoed in the room. I rolled my eyes, while Edward snarled next to me. He wasn't very happy with Nessie and Jacob's relationship, but he had learned to shut up. Well, not actually.

"I heard that one." Jacob screamed from the kitchen. "Nessie, I think your purse is under the bed."

"And why the hell is under the bed?" Nessie screamed back. Edward clenched his teeth and his eyes turned to where Jacob was. I quickly put my hand on his shoulder, knowing something bad would have happened to Jacob if I didn't. Alice laughed loudly.

"Stop that thought right now, dog." Edward yelled furiously.

Jacob's head popped out from the kitchen and winked at him. "Jealous, huh?"

Edward scoffed, glaring at him. "I don't want to know what are you doing with my daughter in your free time." he hissed.

Nessie stormed down the stairs in the living room. "Jacob Black, what have you done?" she shouted shocked. I sighed frustrated.

It was Sunday. No school, no homework, no problems. All I wanted to do was watch TV with my family, talk and have fun. But NO, of course. Edward, Jake and Nessie had to argue like always. Edward would get angry, Jacob would tease him and Nessie would yell at Jake. I knew the others agreed with me, when they sighed too.

"And where are you going?" Edward asked Nessie, trying to calm down. He pinched the bridge of his nose and I rubbed his back, tracing circles on it.

"Dad, I told you this several times. I have a date with Jake." she answered, raising her eyebrows.

Jake smiled smugly at Edward and entwined his fingers with Nessie's. She kissed him tenderly on the cheek. "We're going to watch a movie."

"Oh no shit." Edward mumbled under his breath.

"ENOUGH." Emmett screamed, standing up and throwing his hands in the air. "You're acting like three spoiled toddlers. Edward, I know you love Nessie and you want her to be safe, but cut it out. Jake, stop being an idiot and think with your brain, not with your tail and Nessie, stop acting like your dad."

All of us stared at Emmett, surprised by his outburst. A huge grin spread across Rosalie's face and suddenly, all of us were on the floor laughing. Well, all of us, except Carlisle, Edward and Jake. Edward was glaring at Jake, Jake at Edward and Carlisle was watching TV peacefully.

Carlisle switched channels till his hand froze on the remote and his eyes widened. My laughter died slowly and my eyes focused on the TV.

"_How old are you?" the girl asked._

"_Seventeen." the boy whispered._

"_How long have you been seventeen?" the girl asked again, waiting anxiously for his answer._

_"A while." the boy answered._

What the hell was that?

"Oh my God." Alice screamed. "Bella, Edward, those guys look like you. Are you sure they hadn't cloned you?" Alice wondered and I exchanged a glance with Edward.

The same expression of horror was on his face too.

_"This is wrong, Edward. She's not one of us." the TV spoke again._

A new wave of horror washed through me and I saw Jasper wince. He glared at me, but sent a wave of calm in my direction.

"Hey. I look pretty." Emmett smiled smugly at us and we groaned in unison.

_Coming soon. November 21._

Nobody said anything. We stared at the TV, our mouths hung open and our eyes wide open. Oh no. What was that? It's insane.

"They made a movie about us?" I screamed at the top of my lungs, making everyone wince. For the first time I didn't care. I couldn't believe it.

"We're screwed." Rosalie whimpered, holding her head in her hands. "How am I supposed to have a normal life when everyone knows that we are vampires? I can't believe it, I can't freaking believe it."

Oh no. Rose was having a breakdown. Jasper tried and tried, but Rosalie's sobs just got louder. He sighed defeated and kissed Alice's head.

"I know. Today is November 21. So the movie is out. So we are going to watch it. And I have a great idea." she stormed in her room and we looked after her, stunned.

-

We were in front of the theatre, disguised. Rosalie was still sobbing on Emmett's shoulder and I was surprised to see so many people in front of the theatre, buying tickets.

"I can't believe it. This was my date with Jake, not a family meeting." Nessie mumbled to herself.

"Did she look at me? Did she recognize me?" Rose blubbered behind me.

We finally got in and sat down on our seats, covering as much as possible our faces. The humans looked strangely at us. Who could wear sunglasses in a theater for crying out loud? Only us, of course.

I was between Edward and Jake. I elbowed them, when they wouldn't stop glaring at each other. The most disgusting part was that I had to bear the popcorn smell and Jake's loudly chew.

"Shut up, mongrel." Edward hissed, probably answering one of his thoughts.

Jake chewed again and smiled innocently. "I didn't do anything."

"Shut up." Edward repeated angrier. I rolled my eyes and sighed frustrated.

"Make me." Jake's smile grew and threw a popcorn in Edward's face. I could swear I saw red in front of his eyes, as he tried to stand up. I pushed him back into his seat and he clenched his teeth.

"No. Both of you shut up." I snarled and they nodded obediently. I winked at Nessie and she giggled.

Alice was bouncing excited in her seat, driving Jasper insane. Rosalie had a scarf all over her face and Emmett was grinning at the screen, staring into space. Only Carlisle and Esme were acting normal.

"Alice, honey, it's just a movie." Jasper shushed Alice.

"I know. I know." she said, but continued bouncing.

The movie started and we were watching it very absorbed. I entwined my fingers with Edward's and he squeezed my hand. I glared at Jake, silently telling him to stop eating. But he just shrugged and stuffed a new popcorn into his mouth.

"I'm hungry." he whispered.

"You always are." I grumbled, returning my attention to the screen.

And there I was, kissing my mother's cheek and climbing in a plane. My mouth hung open as I saw me with Charlie in the police cruiser.

"Wow, Bella, you looked like a depressed mental girl." Emmett chuckled under his breath and I shot him a death glare. He cowered in his seat.

"God, Bella, look at that room. It's ugly." Alice hissed.

"Oh thank you very much, Alice. I used to live there, you know." I mumbled sarcastically. She rolled her eyes.

_Bella looked outside on the window and saw a man in a wheelchair and a boy with long black hair._

"Holy shit." Jake screamed, throwing popcorn all over us.

"Jacob." we growled at him, earning disapproval looks from the other humans.

"But that didn't happen. I wasn't there when Bella received her truck. I mean, we first met at La Push." Jake whisper-yelled at us and I nodded.

"It's true."

"But don't I look handsome?" his smug smile returned and Nessie slapped the back of his head.

"Shut up."

_The gym, after Bella had hit Mike's head with the ball._

"Yes." Edward threw his hands in the air, laughing. An old lady from behind us shushed him and he smiled victoriously at me.

"Jessica is a loser." Emmett chuckled, high-fiving Edward.

_In the cafeteria. Rosalie and Emmett appear._

"Oh no. Oh no, everyone saw me. Just kill me, please, end this torture." Rose whimpered, keeping tightly the scarf on her face. Emmett traced circles on her back, trying to calm her down.

A huge grin was plastered on his face. "We look sexy together, babe." Emmett whispered in Rose's ear, earning a death glare from her.

_Alice and Jasper appear._

"I don't usually look that pained." Jasper commented.

"Oh Jazzy, you do, believe me, you do." Emmett chuckled under his breath. Alice lounged over and smacked the back of his head.

"That's Jazz you're talking about." Alice glared at him.

_Edward appeared._

A few girls sighed behind me and I stifled a laugh. I smiled adoringly at Edward and stroked gently his cheek. "You're adorable, honey." I teased and kissed quickly his cheek.

Someone snorted next to me and a popcorn fell on my face. "Jake, if you..." I started, but he interrupted me.

"It wasn't me." he said and I turned around to see Nessie with the popcorn in her hands. She smiled innocent and shrugged. Just like her dad.

_Biology class_

Edward leaned over and whispered in my ear. "You almost killed me that day." I giggled and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Yeah and you wanted to change your schedule for the entire year. Yeah I remember it." I teased.

"I'm trying to watch a movie right here." Emmett scolded us and Edward and I laughed quietly.

We watched silently as the Cullens came to school, without Edward and I sighed remembering that. Day after day, I waited for him to appear, but when I finally thought he wouldn't, there he was.

_In the parking lot, before the accident._

"Oh no. It's the day you saved me from the van." I whispered to Edward and he kissed the top of my head.

"I would have done it no matter what."

_The van slipped on the ice and came towards Bella. Edward stopped it in time._

"Nooooooooooo." Rosalie stood up and screamed. Alice startled, much for my surprise and glared at Rosalie.

Everyone turned around and looked disapprovingly at Rose. Alice smiled apologetic. "Sorry. She's PMSing."

They sat down quickly. Rosalie was gnawing her nails and biting her lip anxiously. She looked everywhere around to see if people recognized her, but smiled contently when found no one.

"You actually did that?" Nessie whispered in awe. Edward nodded, smiling at her. Nessie blinked, stunned and a glare appeared on her face when she looked at Jake. "See? Why he can save her from a van and you always find a pathetic excuse for not buying me those boots?' she whisper-yelled at Jacob and he cowered in his seat, mouthing a 'sorry'.

"Go, Nessie." Emmett winked at her.

"You were so rude, Edward." Esme spoke for the first time, after Edward and Bella talked in the hospital.

"Was I supposed to tell her the truth?" Edward asked sarcastically.

"No, but that's not how you treat a woman." Esme raised her eyebrow at her son and I heard a slap behind me.

"Hear and learn, Jake. Hear and learn." Nessie whispered to him.

_In the cafeteria, after Edward caught the apple_

"Oh come on, be serious, Bella. Radioactive spiders and kryptonite? I'm failing to see the Superman in Edward." Emmett snickered and I glared at him. "You have seen a lot of cartoons when you were little."

I glared at him. "Oh so you figured it out." I said sarcastically. "Shut up, Emmett." I hissed, earning another snicker from him.

_What if I'm not the hero? What if I'm the bad guy?_

"Oh no shit Sherlock." Emmett mumbled again.

"Emmett." we growled under our breaths.

_La Push, after Jacob and his friends came_

"Here we were supposed to first meet. These guys need to get the things straight." Jake muttered. I rolled my eyes. "Look how handsome I am."

"Sure, honey." Nessie kissed his cheek and Edward squeezed my hand in an attempt to calm down.

"Hey, I remember telling you our legends. My dad almost killed me for that one." Jake scowled at the screen. That's how I found out everything about Edward. I will always be grateful to Jake for that.

"Thanks." I whispered to Jake and he nodded, smiling.

_Victoria, James and Laurent with Waylon_

A snarl erupted from Edward's chest and I stroked his cheek. His eyes locked with mine for a few moments, when Jacob's loudly chew started. I cursed him in my mind.

"Wow, dad, that was awesome." Nessie whispered to Edward, when his Volvo drifted on the pavement.

_At Bella Italia_

"God, how I hated that waitresses." I scowled.

"You know I love you, sweetheart." Edward kissed my hair, but I startled when Rose's scream – again – echoed in the huge hall.

"Nooooo. Edward, don't." she screamed and I turned to the screen to see it was the moment when Edward confessed he could read minds. I shook my head frustrated and Rosalie sat down, cowering in her seat. Carlisle glared at her and Emmett kissed her forehead soothingly.

"She figured it out." Alice whispered to herself, tapping her foot anxiously on the floor.

_The forest_

_You're impossibly fast. And strong. Your skin is... pale white, and ice cold. Your eyes change color. And sometimes you speak like you're from a different time. You never eat or drink any thing. You don't go into the sunlight._

"Please don't say it. Don't fucking say it." Rosalie prayed, biting her lip.

_Vampire_

"Crap." she hissed and glared at me and Edward. I scowled confused at her and mouthed a 'what'. I knew she was nervous about this, but it wasn't my fault.

_Edward in the sunlight_

"It looks better in reality." Jasper whispered. I nodded, staring at Edward's body. He caught me staring and a mischievous grin spread across his face.

_And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.  
_

_What a stupid lamb.  
_

_What a sick, masochistic lion._

"I know." Jacob agreed and my and Edward's heads snapped in his direction, while the others laughed.

"You just made me stupid?" I growled.

"Apologize." Edward hissed and Jacob threw his hands into the air, popcorn falling around us. He nodded and sulked, giving Nessie the popcorn and crossing his arms at his chest.

_When Carlisle bites Esme_

"Thanks honey." Esme kissed Carlisle's cheek and he smiled adoringly at her.

"Indeed, dad. That was very romantic of you telling mom her blood was so appetizing." Nessie mumbled sarcastically and Edward chuckled, wrapping his arm around my waist.

_After Edward invited Bella to go to meet his family. Jacob appears._

"Look at that smile." Jake smiled smugly and Emmett snorted.

"I would be glad to shatter those teeth dog." Emmett teased, smirking and Jacob rolled his eyes.

_In the Cullen's kitchen_

"Always beautiful." Carlisle whispered in Esme's ear and kissed her cheek.

"Oh God. I remember that day like it was yesterday." Jasper muttered to himself. Alice smiled at him and punched him playfully in the arm.

"Looks like the bitch had returned." Jake laughed, after Rosalie destroyed the bowl. Rose turned around to glare at him and even I cowered in my seat at its intensity.

"Oh my God, Rose. I love those shoes." Alice squealed. "Do you think you still have them?"

"Only Alice could ask about shoes." Edward shook his head amazed.

"Oh. Here I am." she chirped, as she appeared on the screen and hugged me in the movie. I giggled quietly.

"Why I always look so pained?" Jasper complained, furrowing his brow. Emmett laughed, earning again disapproving looks from the people around him. Rosalie smacked the back of his head.

"Don't draw the attention on us." she hissed angrily.

_In Edward's room_

"'No bed?' Gee, Bella. You sounded like a pervert." Emmett snickered. I glared at him, but didn't waste my time, explaining something to him.

"Your dancing skills suck, Bells." Jake chewed on his popcorn.

"Look who's talking." Nessie rolled her eyes at him.

_Edward at the piano_

"Isn't that my mom's lullaby?" Nessie raised her eyebrows. I nodded, confused. How did they find it? Where? Oh God, this is very weird. Edward scowled at the screen.

_Edward and Bella kissing in her room_

"Well, our first kiss was actually in the forest, but I guess it's good in my room too." I mused and turned around to stare into Edward's eyes. We smiled adoringly at each other.

"And that's how your parents procreated you, Nessie." Emmett chuckled. "Whoa, Bella, you're a beast in bed."

"Disgusting." Nessie whispered to herself and blushed crimson. She looked down quickly and blinked. "Tell me when it's over."

Jacob's hand froze in the popcorn and his eyes widened. "I'm marked for life. Oh no. That will be burnt in my memory forever." he shook his head. I laughed with Edward and I looked at the others. Esme was smiling maternally at us.

"That is so sweet." Alice sighed dreamily, grabbing Jasper's hand.

"I love you." I whispered in Edward's ear, ignoring the snort from my right.

He kissed my hair. "Love you too." he whispered too and my head rested on his chest, my arms encircling him.

_When Edward met Charlie_

"Charlie looked like he wanted to kill you." Jasper mumbled and I nodded, remembering his expression. I know. Glad Edward is immortal.

"Why the heck did you wear so many clothes, Edward? It didn't matter to you. You could have been in bikini and you could have felt better." Emmett furrowed his brow. Edward snorted.

"Appearances, Emmett." he explained.

_Baseball_

"You know, if 'looks can kill' would have been true, you were dead and buried, Bella." Jake raised his eyebrows at me and Nessie shuddered. I nodded and Rose smiled apologetic at me.

"Love you." Jasper whispered in Alice's ear, when she threw the ball in the movie. Alice giggled and kissed him quickly, returning to the screen.

Edward tensed and I scowled confused at him. "What happened?"

"The nomads." he hissed and I sighed. After the game, the nomads must appear.

"Have you seen that?" Emmett smiled smugly, after he climbed on the tree and grabbed the ball. "I bet you can't do that." he said to Jasper.

"Yep. Because I can do better." Jazz chuckled.

Emmett's eyes darkened. "Want to bet?"

"Bring it."

I rolled my eyes at them. Always acting like two kids. And now that Jake was part of the family, we had a kindergarten. I giggled to myself, ignoring Edward's questioningly look.

_The nomads appear. James feels Bella's scent._

Edward hissed in my ear and I tightened my grip on him. Nessie gasped, when Edward literally threw me in the car and drove towards Charlie's house.

"Ugh. I hate James." Nessie bit her lip, wrapping her arms around Jake.

"Me too." Edward whispered, his jaw locking with a loud _thud._

"But I'm here now, right?" I smiled reassuringly at him and he kissed my hair.

_In the garage_

"And there is the bitch again." Jake chuckled at Rosalie, earning another death glare from her. I giggled.

_In Phoenix_

"Thank you, Jasper, Alice." I smiled at them and Jasper winked. Alice bounced on her chair.

"His voice gives me goose bumps." Rose mumbled, leaning into Emmett.

"I can't believe you were so idiot to actually go, Bella. I thought you were smarter." Alice scolded me and I scowled at her.

"Hey." I protested.

_In the ballet studio_

Edward's breath accelerated as he saw me flew across the ballet studio. I winced, remembering the pain I had felt then. Nessie gasped again, burying her face onto Jacob's shoulder.

Nobody said anything during the fight. I kissed Edward, thanking him silently for saving me and touched my scar, after James bit me in the movie.

"And that's why I have this horrible mark." I mumbled to myself and everyone smiled apologetic at me. I rolled my eyes and waved them off. They shouldn't feel sorry. They had helped me a lot all these years.

"Wow." Nessie whispered after a couple of minutes. "I don't want to imagine how hard it was for you, dad. Or mom." she squeezed my hand and smiled at Edward.

"We survived." I teased and they laughed quietly.

"Actually you didn't. You're dead." Emmett raised his eyebrows. We laughed again, a little bit more loud this time. A girl shushed us.

_In the hospital_

"Oh please Edward. Couldn't you be more realistic? I mean, I can tell you're not actually sleeping." Jake mocked.

"Well, I can tell. And Renee believed it. So why don't you do me a favor and shut up?" I suggested and he smiled sarcastically at me.

_In Bella's house_

"It would have been hilarious to see you drink that water, Edward." Emmett laughed quietly.

"Right." Edward snorted.

"You looked sexy in that tuxedo." I smiled evilly at him. The same expression was on his face and kissed me, before we heart someone growl next to us.

"Please. We're in public." Nessie shook her head amazed.

_At prom. _

_Jacob appears._

"Hey. Here's the handsome again." Jake smiled at the screen and all of us snarled. Nessie giggled. "What? I'm telling the truth."

"Well, you look better with short hair. Like now." Nessie smiled mischievously at Jake and Edward shuddered, glaring at both of them.

"Please. We're in public." he repeated.

"You were really trying to kill me." I said playfully.

"Yes." Jake answered instead of Edward. "I mean, dancing is like bungee jumping without rope for you, Bella." he shrugged, nonchalantly. I sighed.

"Awww, that is so sweet." Alice sighed dreamily, when Edward kissed me in the movie. I smiled excited and I saw with the corner of my eye, Nessie burying her face in Jake's chest.

"Yuck." Emmett shuddered. I glared at him. "It isn't about you, Bella. It's about kissing a... human."

"A human's neck." Jasper shuddered too. Alice snorted and winked at Edward.

Victoria appeared and I froze. Jacob muttered under his breath. "That bitch." And I couldn't agree more.

"Is it over? Already?" Nessie asked disappointed.

"Yes, honey. It's over." Jake whispered in her ear and kissed her. I quickly turned around. I didn't like staring at them when they would have... their private moments. And that pissed Edward off.

"We're in public." Edward said through his teeth.

Jake smiled smugly and Alice sighed from her seat. Here goes again.

"Stop that thought, mongrel."

"His name is Jake, dad."

"And what if I don't?" Jake's smile grew and Edward fumed. Suddenly, he stood up, glaring at Jacob. The lights in the theatre were on and he didn't have the sunglasses anymore. I froze, realizing what that meant. Alice laughed.

"Edward? Girls, it's EDWARD." a girl screamed at the top of her lungs and everyone in the theatre turned to us. Oh no, oh God no.

* * *

**That's it. Hope you liked it.**


	2. Note

**Wow, so many reviews. Thanks guys. I'm happy I made you laugh or at least smile.**

**And I was thinking...**

**I should continue this story, BUT...**

**There won't be too many chapters. I'm sorry.**

**This was supposed to be an One-Shot, but I changed my mind after reading your reviews.**

**(sorry for answering so late)**

**I'm still writing on the next chapter and I hope it will be ready next week.**

**I'll be out of town for four days, without internet and stuff, but when I'm coming back, I'll finish it.**

**I hope you are still with me. :)  
**

**Best wishes etcetera etcetera,**

_just-a-crazyfanpire_


	3. Trailer

**As I promised, here is the chapter.**

**I don't own the books, the movies or the trailer. That sucks!  
**

**Trailer**

"Please, Carlisle." Alice begged.

"No, Alice." Carlisle crossed his arms at his chest, frowning at poor Alice.

It was a sunny day, so no one went out. Nessie and Jake were upstairs in their room, Emmett and Rose were in the garden with Esme and Jasper was next to Alice. I was with Edward on the couch, watching TV. Just a _normal_ day.

"Please, please, please." Alice kneeled in front of Carlisle. "I promise I'll be a good girl. But please, Carlisle, let me use the internet."

"Alice, last time you went on line, you bought a pony, a fruit squeezer and lots of wigs. What in the name of God, are we going to do with them?" Carlisle threw his arms in the air desperate.

"I'll sell them on EBay." she suggested, smiling innocently.

Carlisle scowled. "I know you very well, Alice. You'll be the one buying them in the end. Again." he sighed frustrated and glared at the pixie, who was now bouncing up and down, her hands clasped together.

"But it's sunny. I can't go shopping and none of those traitors wants one of my brilliant makeovers." Alice cried, making the puppy look to Carlisle.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, Alice. Look at Jasper. He's still traumatized by your last makeover. You covered him in pink clothes and make up. Emmett took photos of him and put them on youtube. Remember the name the reviewers gave him?! Mr Tooth Fairy."

Jasper shuddered and Alice stuck her tongue out at Edward. "Yes, but after two days, I convinced Emmett to delete it."

"Yes, after you destroyed his Power Puff collection." I pointed out.

"Well, I didn't know he actually loved those dolls." Alice frowned and returned to Carlisle. "Oh come on, Carlisle. I need to go online. I need to shop. Now!" she prayed and I could see Carlisle's eyes soften.

"Ok, fine. Jasper, calm her down now or I'll kill her myself." Carlisle half-joked and we burst out laughing, when Alice started bouncing excitedly through the living room.

She threw herself in front of the computer and a loud crash was heard upstairs.

"Did grandpa just let you shop online, Alice?" Nessie screamed, storming in the living room. Jake appeared seconds later, looking completely pissed. "I can't believe it. Why did you let her and me not?" she crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows at Carlisle.

"Because, unbelievable or not, you're worse than Alice, when it comes to shop." he shrugged, smiling smugly at Nessie.

Her eyes widened and looked at Jake for help. Jacob sat down next to Edward on the couch and closed his eyes.

"Alice. Out. Now." Nessie tapped her foot on the floor and I exchanged a glance with Edward. He rolled his eyes, snickering and I punched him playfully in the arm. He enjoyed way too much the fact that Nessie was the only one able to threaten Alice.

"No." Alice shook her head, her eyes glued to the screen. "You'll have to wait till I'm done."

"Mom." Nessie whimpered, looking at me. "I need to shop. Jake owes me a pair of boots."

"I don't." Jake answered first, looking completely terrorized.

"Yes, you do."

"But... Edward can buy them for you. I'm sure he can buy the whole continent if you want. Let him pay." Jake shrugged, smiling smugly at Edward. Edward rolled his eyes and then chuckled quietly at someone's thoughts.

"Jacob Black, I won't let dad buy me a pair of boots. And from what I remember, you promised me to buy those boots for me, because after all it was your fault dad was chased by a crowd of fan girls." Nessie said through her teeth and I shuddered remembering that.

I smiled apologetically at him and he kissed gently my head. Poor Edward had to hide in a garbage can while the girls screamed his name and followed him. Thank goodness it exists water and soap.

I startled when Alice screamed out of nowhere. "Are they freaking nuts?"

"What the heck happened, Alice?" I sighed frustrated.

She shook her head and suddenly a familiar voice echoed in the room.

_It's my birthday. Can I ask for something? _

_Kiss me._

_I love you._

What the...?

I looked at Edward and he looked at me. The both of us had horrified expressions on our faces.

All of us ran in front of the computer and even Esme, Emmett and Rose came from the garden.

"What was that?" Rose asked confused and Alice started again the trailer.

Nessie was too shocked to cover her eyes when Edward and I kissed in the trailer. Oh no. This as bad. My 18th anniversary.

"That's... that's... oh no." Jasper stuttered, blinking nervously.

Rose was having another breakdown. "What the hell? How did they know what happened on your freaking 18th anniversary? This is insane. Is our lives written in a book or something?" she screamed, fidgeting uneasily in Emmett's big arms.

Edward scowled at the screen and his arm tightened around my waist.

_It's time, it's time._

_Happy birthday, Bella._

"Not my face. Please." Rose cried, while Alice bounced happily. "Hey, I look pretty." Everyone turned around to scowl at her and she smiled sheepishly. "Just saying the truth."

_Paper cut._

"I think I need to throw up." Jasper whispered, covering his face with his hands.

"Nothing too serious happened, Jazz." I shrugged, but then realized it wasn't right. "Oh. Scratch that." I sighed and Edward's jaw locked with a thud.

"I'm sorry." Edward whispered in my ear and kissed the top of my head.

Suddenly, Jacob looked quickly at Nessie, then at me. "Bella. After your 18th anniversary." he said and I pursed my lips, as everyone looked at me and Jake.

"What happened then?" Nessie raised her eyebrows.

"Nothing." Edward, Jake and I answered.

Emmett snickered, his eyes keeping a weird glint in them. "Actually, Jake fell in love with Bella. Then Bella fell in love with Jake. Then Edward suffered in silence. Then your husband and your mom kissed and then..."

"SHUT UP." the three of us screamed in the same time. Nessie's mouth dropped to the floor as she stared at us.

Jake threw his hands into the air, trying to defend himself. "Bella is not such good kisser as you are, sweetheart. I swear."

"Hey." I protested and Edward growled at him.

"Don't give me images of your kisses with my daughter, dog."

I rolled me eyes, and ushered Alice to continue with the trailer.

_What happened with Jasper... it was nothing._

_Nothing compared to what could have happened. I promise to never put you in anything like this ever again. This is the last time you'll ever see me._

A few sobs echoed in the room and I found Nessie, Esme and... Emmett? crying tearlessly – except Nessie - next to us.

"That (sob) was (sob) very (sob) sad." Nessie bit her lip and her eyes found Jake. "If you'll ever do that to me, I swear to God, Jake, you won't be able to have kids never ever."

"It's me or are you starting to act and think like Blondie?" he muttered under his breath and when he realized all of us had heard it, he cursed. "But why are you so kind with Edward? He left Bella in the first place."

Edward and I glared at him. "Yes, he did. Because he thought he was endangering her life." she shrugged.

"Sure, sure." he pouted.

_Laurent appears._

"Ha! We killed him. You didn't." Jake crossed his arms, smiling proudly at us.

"I could have killed him all by myself, mongrel." Emmett snickered, while Rose looked incredulous at him.

_Jake appears._

"Cute abs, darling." Nessie fluttered her eyelashes towards him and I felt Edward shudder next to me.

"Mine are better." Emmett protested and rip his shirt apart, much for Rose's pleasure. "See? I'm the man, he's not."

"What do you think, Nessie? Mine or his?" Jake grinned at her and I rolled my eyes.

"Well..." she started, but Alice cut her off.

"I don't get it. Jake's or Emmett's? Come on. I don't know why we are having this discussion. It's pretty obvious my Jazzy has the best abs."

"What?" I screamed. "You hadn't seen Edward's. Please, stop showing your husband off."

"Just telling the truth." she shrugged, smiling towards Jasper.

_Jake, run. _

_Jake transforms into a werewolf._

"You look hot." Nessie sighed.

"You look disgusting." Rose wrinkled her nose.

"You look pathetic." Emmett chuckled.

"I like the shorts." Alice bounced and my vampire family glared at her. "What?"

"November? This year?" Rose hissed. "This can't be true. First, Twilight, now New Moon. Why is everything so fucked up? It was pretty darn awful to hide in these five months. Imagine the rest of our eternity." she kept babbling to herself.

"We are so going to watch the movie." Nessie smiled evilly at Jake, while we shuddered.

* * *

**it's shorter than the first chapter, but I hope it will make you smile at least.**


	4. Phone calls

**Thanks for the reviews. Honestly, I love them. Here's the last chapter of 'The Cullens see Twilight'.  
**

**Phone calls**

**EPOV**

My phone started ringing and I cursed under my breath. I was having English.

_Oh, of course, Mr Cullen dares to interrupt my hour._

The teacher threw me a dirty look and I quickly took my phone out of my pocket. What the...? Jacob?

Why the heck was he calling me? And where was he?

I hid under my desk and clutched the phone to my ear. "What?" I hissed through my teeth, as Jacob erupted into laughter. This could be a prank. "I don't really have time to listen to your jokes, mutt. So, please, spare me..."

"Jokes? Wait. No There is a reason why I called you." he said smugly.

"Oh yeah? Don't tell me. You finally realized you're an idiot."

"Oh ha ha, Mr Funny Pants. Actually no, that's not why I called you. Guess what?" he asked, already visualizing his smug smile. I waited patiently, locking my jaw. "I just found a video today and I thought it was pretty cool."

"About what?"

"New Moon."

Great.

"Well, then good luck with it. I really have to go now, if..." I started, but he screamed in the phone.

"WAIT. You should see it, bloodersucker." he said, chuckling slightly.

"Because...?" I asked, trying to ignore the glares the teacher gave me. He probably figured out I was talking to my phone, but he didn't stop me.

_If he doesn't hang up in the next two minutes, he will have extra homework_, he thought, as I rolled my eyes. Extra homework.

"Because I am in it."

I groaned. "Congratulations. Should I be happy?" I asked sarcastically, as he laughed. Damn him.

"That depends on you." he mumbled.

"Look, I can't talk right now. So, if you want to annoy someone, call Emmett or Jasper." I muttered quickly and pressed the end button.

I took a deep breath, as I stuffed my cell phone back into my pocket. I just don't get it. If you hate a person, isn't it supposed to ignore him? Instead, Jacob annoys me to death.

_Edward?_ someone asked in their minds and I concentrated on that voice. Relief washed through me. Bella. _I'd heard you talk to Jacob. He called me too. Something about a video. Alice says it's about New Moon. You know how annoying she gets when she's excited about something._ I chuckled to myself. She was having PE with Alice.

_Ohmygod, ohmygod. Did Jacob already call you? A New Moon video, Edward. Isn't it great? I can't wait to see it. Well, I've already _seen_ it, but well... you know. _Alice thought and then I saw her vision.

I scowled as I saw the New Moon video through her head.

Well, actually the first scene was pretty... cute. I found myself smiling at it. Bella and I were kissing. That made me miss her even more than usual.

_New Moon is a lot more complicated than Twilight was_, Jacob said in the video. Oh, tell me about it. I cringed as memories of what happened ten years ago filled my mind.

_Bella is in such a deep depression when Edward leaves and Jacob is the friend that will always be there for her_, he continued. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

I clenched my teeth, when Bella fell off the bike and hit her head. And I wasn't there to help her.

The pack, Jane, Bella and Jacob hugging and... what? An almost Bella and Jacob kiss? Before Italy? Ok, I didn't know about it. I furrowed my brow in confusion, but then a familiar voice broke me out of my thoughts.

_I swear I'm going to kill Jacob, when I'll get home. He's so sleeping on the couch tonight,_ Nessie thought as she fumed.

"What happened?" I asked at vampire speed, hoping that she had heard me. I sighed relieved when she did.

_He called me during Biology. Mr. Stick gave me two days of detention after school. Can you believe it, dad?_ She was definitely angry. I sighed frustrated, thinking at how to torture that mutt.

A piercing laugh rang in my head and I blinked startled. _Did you just think about punching Jacob in the head with a crowbar?_

_Edward, why is Alice rolling on the floor laughing? Miss Virginia is glaring at her. She looks like she wants to rip her head off_, Bella thought. I rolled my eyes.

Suddenly, my phone started ringing again. "If you don't close it right now, Mr. Cullen, I'll give you a week of detention." the teacher growled at me and I nodded obediently.

I looked at the ID. Jacob. Arrgh!

I pressed the end button.

I asked for permission to go to bathroom and as soon as I was in the hallway, I called Emmett.

"Hey, bro. What's up?" he chuckled. He, Rose and Jasper were supposed to have graduated last year. They went hunting this morning and Jacob was home with Esme, while Carlisle was at the hospital.

"Did Jacob call you too?" I asked through my teeth.

"Of course. He has called everyone today." I heard Rose's scream in the background, followed by a loud thud. "And for what? A new New Moon video. This sucks." she screamed again.

"Uh-oh." Emmett mumbled. "She's pretty mad."

"That's understandable, Emmett. I'd just caught a deer when my ring tone scared it and it just ran away." Jasper roared and I scowled. They were angrier than me. I even chuckled, remembering what Bella told me long time ago.

_You're always crabbier when your eyes are black._ True. An angry Rose is very dangerous.

"I thought it was funny." Emmett laughed and his words were immediately followed by a new thud. "Ow..." he mumbled.

"Funny? Emmett, it's about New Moon. That's about our damn lives. Or deaths or whatever." Rose hissed.

"Um... well, I got to go, Ed." Emmett sighed. "Rose must hunt now or else I'll be more dead than I am already."

I sighed and hung up. For my delight, the bell rang and I ran in search of Bella, Alice and Nessie. I found them in front of the gym. Bella smiled widely as soon as she saw me, Alice was giggling to herself and Nessie was fuming, screaming in her cell phone.

"Jacob is so going to get it." Bella said in a sing-song voice and kissed me chastely. I wrapped my arms around her waist and locked once again my lips with hers. She smiled into the kiss and her fingers twirled in my hair.

"Detention, Jake. Detention. Because of you." she hissed, while Alice burst out in laughter.

"Poor Jacob." she chirped. "He won't like it." I saw her vision in that minute and grinned mischievously. That's my girl.

"What?" Bella asked in confusion.

"Jake has to sleep outside. Nessie ordered him to stay out of the house as long as she is home." Alice giggled and I chuckled.

Bella shook her head in amazement. "She's really your daughter, Edward." she sighed, smirking up at me. I shrugged nonchalantly.

"I know, right?" I snickered as she nudged me playfully in the ribs and her laugh enchanted my ears.

Nessie closed her phone and came towards us, smiling.

"You're done torturing Jake?" Bella raised her eyebrows, a short laugh escaping her.

"Done." Nessie said firmly. "I just don't get it. Why is he so obsessed with this New Moon video? He said he appeared in it and that he looks really handsome in it. But calling us all to tell us this, it's... childish."

I nodded, while Alice shook her head and Bella shrugged.

A vision crossed Alice's head and I concentrated on it. I cringed, but a smile spread across my face. "Jake is going to get it." I repeated Bella's words in the same moment Alice did. She laughed loudly, while gripping Nessie's arm.

After two hours, we were already home. "Home." Nessie screamed, probably waiting for Jacob to get out of the house. I smirked.

Out of nowhere, Jacob appeared in front of us, his hands being clasped together. "Please, Nessie, please. Forgive me. I didn't want to. I didn't know he can give you detention. I'm sorry, please." he begged, biting anxiously his lip. I rolled my eyes.

Bella threw me a knowing smile and I sighed. Nessie pressed her lips together and stared down at Jacob. He kneeled in front of her, his face being between agony and hope.

"Jacob." Nessie sighed.

"I'm sorry, Ness. Please?" he begged again.

_I don't want to sleep outside. Please, I really love that comfy bed, _Jacob thought, as I groaned. Of course. His eyes widened as they shot me a glance. I shrugged, letting him be.

"Ness?" he asked warily.

"Oh damn it. Ok, Jake, Ok. You're forgiven."

Jacob jumped on his legs and hugged her tightly to his chest. "Thank you, darling. Thank you so much. I knew it. I knew you love me."

Nessie put a little distance between them and smirked evilly. "But... you're sleeping on the couch." she said, as all of us burst out into laughter.

Jacob pouted, his mouth slightly open. _I still don't get to sleep on that comfy bed? _He thought, sighing sadly. He nodded obediently, kissing Nessie's cheek. He flopped on the couch and made himself comfortable. _Well, at least, I should get used to it_. I rolled my eyes, taking a seat on the floor.

I pulled Bella between my legs, while Alice bounced excited across the living room.

Bella rested her head on my shoulder, while I played with her hair. Jacob opened the TV and Nessie looked confused at Alice.

"Are we waiting for someone?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. Alice pressed her lips together and her eyes darted to the front door.

_Three... two... one_, she thought and out of nowhere, the front door flew open, revealing a very angry Rosalie. Her eyes glazed over till they found Jacob. He was oblivious at first but seeing the rage in her eyes, he finally freaked out.

I pursed my lips, while Bella's body shook with laughter.

"You're dead." Rosalie hissed on a deadly voice.

* * *

**It's not one of the best chapters, but I hope you'll enjoy it. If you're confused, the teachers and students have seen the movie, but didn't believe it. I mean, they still think they're human. I just wanted to change the scenario. *shrugs***

**I know Alice can't see Jacob or Nessie in her visions, but I remembered it, after I'd written the chapter. I hope you don't mind. :) **

**Review? :)**


	5. AN

So, good news, guys! 'The Cullens watch New Moon' is up.


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